Thanks,
Ren
“I’m not delusional, you know.” They stopped walking and she looked up into his eyes, waiting for him to explain his absurd statement. “I know one day you’ll leave. You’ll want more, more than I can give-”
She looked away. “Can we not have this discussion right now? Please?”
She continued down the street. He stood in the same spot, watching her retreating form until she sensed he hadn’t moved, and spun abruptly.
“You coming?”
He smirked and caught up to her as she turned and continued down the empty street.
She had purposely cut off the conversation when she had. Even so, she feared she had revealed too much. The truth was, she would never-could never-leave him. He would be the one to leave her. She was perplexed at his wording. Why did he phrase it like that? she wondered internally. To make it easier on me, probably.
The truth was, she loved him. Not that she would ever tell him as much. To reveal her true feelings to him would be to seal the fate of the end, irrevocably. And she didn’t want that. Not yet. Not until the last possible second. She would not be the one to push him away. It would have to be him.
She wasn’t sure if she should chalk it up to weakness or selfishness. But she had tried to back away. Twice. The first time lasted longer than the second. And both times she had fallen into an abyss so dark, she though death might have been easier. But instead of something so dramatic, she had gone back to him. Back to the warm embrace of his arms, back to his bed, back to him.
No, she would not leave him again. Of that she was absolutely certain. Not until he would become so bored with her that he was forced to order her away. Which was bound to happen eventually. He would become bored, or maybe he would actually meet Miss Right.
He unlocked his apartment door and stared down at her, lost inside her own thoughts again. He chuckled and she broke from her reverie. She blushed, giggled, and followed him inside.
Yes, he would have to be the one to order her away. And when the time came, whatever his reason, she liked to think that she would have the strength to go. And maybe even be able to feel a little bit of happiness for him, despite the small part of her that would undoubtedly die.
Dude,
ReplyDeleteYou can totally derive the standard Dramatic Elements from this blurb!
PASSION: Well, you are going to have to come up with this, but maybe something along the lines of wanting the audience to learn to develop self-esteem and good relationships.
THEME: Good self-esteem fosters good relationships.
CHARACTER: A female who is looking for a loving relationship but whose flaw is insecurity.
PREMISE: What if an insecure young woman had to overcome her insecurity in order to have a positive relationship with the man she loves?
These are just some ideas I came up with because you said you weren't sure how your story would fit into the structure. Feel free to use it or not, as you wish. I look forward to hearing more as your story moves forward!
-Stephanie
:D
ReplyDeleteThanks Steph!
Yeah, it's like when I read other people's, it makes sense. But just when I try to apply it to my own work I get confused. I think maybe because I'm used to just sitting down and writing and letting it go where it wants. I've never followed a structure before, so it's like teaching an old dog new tricks, you know?
Ren
It's very good for 20 minutes' work! I mean it's well written. But, honestly, it's not my cup of tea. Maybe if it's part of a bigger story, one where we get interested in this gal beforehand, it could work. But hit with this out of the blue, I haven't developed any interest in the character yet. Stay, leave, whatever. It also seems a bit melodramatic, even cliche.
ReplyDeleteAgain, kind of on purpose. And it was supposed to be like a fragment, like the last one (or next one, if you go in posting order). These aren't usually my style either, but it's what was on my mind. Epic fail #2 LOL
ReplyDeleteRen